~Aku yang alpa~

~Bila yang pekak mula mendengar ... Saat yang buta mula melihat ... tatkala yang bisu mula berbicara~
(Diari HuMaiRA 05/11/08)

Salamun 'alayk...

it's been so long since i posted my last entry... feels like my blog is already dying.but for sure, i won't let this happen...i love writing but at times ideas juz wonders in and out off my head...and to put it in writing...i have to crack my brain up to make the sentence juz to be "read-able"...

the pressure of life has been on since the finals started...now, only one paper left. Hopefully i'll be doing well and able to score since there's 5 days gap.But God knows how difficult it is for me to study during the gap days...huhu. Up until now, my method of studying would be,
"if the exam is not tomorrow,then today is relaxing" (please don't try this at home).
I've tried to improve but, you know,when there is no pressure,my brain seems to be so slow in eating up the facts.

hurmm...3 days left for me to revise (minus today) and i haven't started to read a single thing. Yet, i know, i'll be regretting my 'relaxness' on the night of the exam and wishing i had been pushing myself to digest all facts earlier. huhu...

forget about the exams...now, i'm in dilemma.This month is (apart being pressuring) has been very rewarding as my hard work last semester paid off.Alhamdulillah,I've been offered 2 scholarships but the problem is, i could only have one (not that im greedy or anything).
Both scholarship have different things to offer.One gives a larger amount per sem.One gives laptops for free.Oh! the offers are killing me as both require "bonding" at the end.Abah said to accept this one and my aunt gave a different view to accept the other and im in between as to deciede which to accept.

I know, compared to others who didn't manage to receive, i really have to consider myself as lucky and i do...i really do.The blessings which He gave to me is very unexpected. Im not someone pious but He still offers me unexpected rewards.I feel ashamed of myself.He keeps on rewarding me even tough i continuously commit sin...He remembers me even i always forgot Him.

Pang!
i felt as tho i'v been slapped...
and how i have been such a worst 'abd...

Tears went down to my cheeks as i started to realize the fact. Who am i to receive such blessings?

Ya Rabb...

You are the ArRahman and the ArRahiim...

How cruel i have been to myself. I want to be a thankful servant as my name bares the meaning of such.I know i have to start and push myself to raise to the highest level possible to be His 'abd. As we all have made covenants with Him during the ruh period.

hurm...I have to start now with no more hasstle...

for the answer to the scholarship...i pray i'll be choosing the right one.the one which would help me to contribute more to my family, friends especially, the ummah...

~wassalam~